Telling Children
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THIS IS AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS OF CHILDREN OF GENDER VARIANT PARENTS

INSTRUCTIONS:

Please fill out only if you have children, and only if they know about the parents gender variance..
Unless otherwise noted, please mark the single response that most accurately reflects your opinions and behaviors of the following issues.

Except for question one, these questions assume that the person filling out the form is gender-variant. If this is not the case, please adjust the questions accordingly. (e.g., instead of, "when did your spouse find out about your gender-variance," "and when did you find out about your spouse's gender-variance?"). there are some questions that will not necessarily apply if you are F to M or even TS so, do your best and my apologies. I did not even know there were trans men when I first stared working on this. The goal is to find out how you told your children what did and did not work and at what age! I getting some very good results that will and have helped others make the decision of when and how to tell their children.

There has been no research on this subject that I have been able to find to this point.

The results will be posted on the results page as we have them, as of 3-23-04 I have 122 valid returns entered into the data base. This will be updated shortly in the results.

This Survey will be used for research purposes only and any responses are completely anonymous. Optional E-Mail addresses will only be used for follow up questions and will not be identified with the results given with the survey. By taking this survey you consent to these conditions.

Please fill out the questionnaire before you look at the result!


1. Who in your family is gender-variant?

          I am gender-variant.

          My spouse, significant-other, or ex- is gender-variant.

           My spouse and I are both gender-variant

 2.  Will your spouse be filling out this form as well? (We encourage it, although we don't require it.)

          Yes, my spouse will fill out the form.

          No, my spouse will not fill out the form.

 3. At what point in your relationship did your spouse or significant other (SO) find out about your gender variance?

          Before we were married.

          After we were married but before we had children. 

          While the children were growing up.

          After the children were grown

Other. Please explain.

4. What is the current status of your relationship?

         We are married. How many years total?  

         We are separated.

         We are divorced.

5. If you are divorced or separated, how big a role did your gender variance play in the dissolution of your relationship?

        It wasn't a factor.

        It was one of many factors.

        It was a major factor.

        It was the biggest factor

        It was the only factor.

6.What was your spouse or SO's initial reaction to your gender variance?

        Positive

        Positive, but guarded

        Indifferent

        Negative

        Other Please describe. 

7.How would you describe your spouse or SO's current attitude?

       Very supportive

       Suportive

       Supportive sometimes

       Tolerant

       Tolerant sometimes

       Negative

       Other Please describe.

8. Please take a few minutes and describe more about the degree of acceptance of your gender variance exhibited by your spouse or SO, perhaps providing some examples from daily living related to his or her degree of acceptance.

9.How many children do you have?                                                1   2   3   4   5 or more.

                                                                                                    

10. Starting with the oldest, at what age did your children find out? 

  First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
Age when they found out.          
Sex MF MF MF MF MF

11. Starting with the oldest, what are their ages now? 

  First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
Current age          

 12.Under what conditions did your children discover your gender variance?    

  First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
We told him or her
He or she saw or discovered
He or she found clothing
He or she hacked the computer
Other Please describe.

13.How would you describe the initial reaction of each of your children?   

  First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
Positive
Indifferent
Negative
Other Please describe. 

 

14.How would you describe the current attitude of each child?  

  First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
Very Supportive
Supportive
Supportive sometimes
Tolerant
Tolerant Sometimes
Negative
Other

15. Please take a few minutes and describe more about the degree of acceptance of your gender variance exhibited by each of your children, perhaps providing some examples from daily living related to his or her degree of acceptance.

16 . If you told your children, what preparation was made to ease the effect or prepare the child?

17.If you told your children, how did you go about it?

18. What should you have done differently?

19. Have the different levels of acceptance of your gender variance caused strains in the relationships between any family members?

No

Yes Please describe!

20.Have any family members seen you dressed?

Your spouse/significant other?  NoYes Reaction?

Your oldest child?                    NoYes Reaction?

Your second child?                 No Yes Reaction?

Your third child?                     No Yes Reaction?

Your fourth child?                   No Yes Reaction?

Your fifth child?                      No Yes Reaction?

21. Who else is aware of your gender variance?  
           Some family members                                  
           Some close friends know                             
          A counselor or therapist                                 
         Some Internet acquaintances                         
          Everybody we know, as I am public "out"     
          No one                                                         

22.If you are maintaining your gender orientation as a secret, are you aware of any breaches of your security or confidentiality as a consequence of telling your children?
    No                             
    Yes                            
    I don't know/uncertain    Please explain.

23.Surveys often focus on the negative and/or stressful aspects of someone's gender orientation. For many however, a variety of positive features exist as well. Please share your feelings about any of the positive aspects of your gender orientation concerning your children.

24.Have there been any problems as a result of someone your children told? 
    Yes
    No
    Don't know


 

25. Have there been any problems at school? (Children tell teachers everything)
   Yes
    No
   Don't know

26. Do your children view your "other self" as a separate person?
    Yes
    No
    Unknown/I Don't Know

27. In terms of gender variance, how would you classify yourself?
    Crossdresser
    Transvestite.
    Transgendered.
    Non-op Transsexual.
    Pre-op Transsexual
    Post op Transsexual.
    Other Please explain
 

28. Do you observe any differences in your behavior when you are dressed according to your preferred/other gender orientation?
    Speech patterns            Yes No

    Listening patterns           YesNo

    Behavior Patterns           YesNo

    Body Language              YesNo

    Attitudes                        Yes No

    Areas of Interest            Yes No

    Overall Agreement         Yes No

    Tenderness                     YesNo

29.Are you a member of a support group?
    Yes Which one(s)?
    No

30.Are you seeing a therapist, counselor, or mental-health professional for your gender variance?
    Yes
    No
If yes, have you taken your family to a therapist, counselor, or mental-health professional?
    Yes  No

31.Does your gender variance have an impact on social relationships with others?
    Yes, Negatively
    Yes, Positively
    No, generally it has no impact
    No, it never has any impact.

 

32. Are there any other Transgendered people in your family?
    Yes
    No
    Unknown/I Don't Know

 

33. Do your children differentiate between gender orientation and sexual orientation?
    Yes
    No
    Unknown/I Don't Know

34.Have they met other transgendered people?
    Yes
    No
    Unknown/I Don't Know

35.Do your children see your gender variance as an overall intrusion in their lives? (By intrusion, we have in mind something that comes at the
expense of something else, or some other activity.)
    Yes, a serious intrusion
    Yes, as an intrusion
    Yes. However as an annoyance, not a serious intrusion
    No it is not an intrusion
    Rather than an intrusion, it is a positive feature

36. How important are the feelings of your children to you?
    Their feelings are very important
    Their feelings are somewhat important
    Their feelings are not important

37.If you wanted to dress full time (according to your preferred gender identity), to what extent could your family accommodate this?

  Spouse or
Significant  
Other
First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child
Would be very comfortable with this
Would accommodate this, but not happily
Would tolerate this, but very unhappily
Could not tolerate this.

 

38Would you state that the frequency of your desire to express your gender variance is generally
Increasing
Decreasing
About the same

Please explain  

 

39.preferred gender orientation. To what extent is this true with you?
I am extremely irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
I am somewhat more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
I am rarely more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
I do not become more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
I do not become more irritable if unable to dress, but I do when I have no opportunity to express my cross-gendered side.

Please explain  

40Have you found educational and support material helpful?
Yes, very helpful
Yes, somewhat helpful
Only slightly helpful
Not very helpful
Not helpful at all
I have not had access to educational or support information.
 

41If you have found educational and support material helpful, what are the type(s) of material/information? Any specific titles or authors?

 

42Most research, as well as practical life experience, suggests that it is difficult, perhaps even impossible, to change one's deepest gender/sexual orientations. If, however, science and medicine were to make such changes both possible and safe, would your family want you to change your preferred gender orientation?

  Spouse or
Significant Other
First Child   Second Child   Third Child   Fourth Child   Fifth Child  
Absolutely yes.
Probably yes
Most likely yes
Unsure
Probably no
Definitely no

For tracking purposes only I will ask for your E-mail address and geographic area. this is strictly optional!  We may however contact you to ask for additional details. This will be kept confidential.

This is a general question, example, I live near Toledo Ohio USA

This is for general comments, other questions I should add or change and if you would like me to contact you.

I did not want to include this but I am told it will be asked.

Race

Last modified: 12/24/13