Please fill out only if you have
children, and only if they know about the parents gender variance..
Unless otherwise noted, please mark the single response that most
accurately reflects your opinions and behaviors of the following issues.
Except for question one, these questions
assume that the person filling out the form is gender-variant. If this is
not the case, please adjust the questions accordingly. (e.g., instead of,
"when did your spouse find out about your gender-variance," "and when did
you find out about your spouse's gender-variance?"). there are some
questions that will not necessarily apply if you are F to M or even TS so,
do your best and my apologies. I did not even know there were trans men
when I first stared working on this. The goal is to find out how you told
your children what did and did not work and at what age! I getting
some very good results that will and have helped others make the decision of when and
how to tell their children.
There has been no research on this subject that I have been able to
find to this point.
The results will be posted on the results page as we have them, as of
3-23-04 I have 122 valid returns entered into the data base. This will be
updated shortly in the results.
This Survey will be used for research purposes only and any responses
are completely anonymous. Optional E-Mail addresses will only be used for
follow up questions and will not be identified with the results given with
the survey. By taking this survey you consent to these conditions.
Please fill out the questionnaire before you look at the result!
1. Who in your family is gender-variant?
spouse, significant-other, or ex- is gender-variant.
My spouse and I are both gender-variant
2. Will your spouse be filling out this form as well? (We encourage
it, although we don't require it.)
spouse will fill out the form.
my spouse will not fill out the form.
3. At what point in your relationship did your spouse or significant
other (SO) find out about your gender variance?
we were married but before we had children.
the children were growing up.
the children were grown
Other. Please explain.
4. What is the current status of your relationship?
are married. How many years total?
5. If you are divorced or separated, how big a role did your gender
variance play in the dissolution of your relationship?
It wasn't a
one of many factors.
was a major factor.
the biggest factor
was the only factor.
6.What was your spouse or SO's initial reaction to your gender
Positive, but guarded
7.How would you describe your spouse or SO's current attitude?
8. Please take a few minutes and describe more about the degree of
acceptance of your gender variance exhibited by your spouse or SO, perhaps
providing some examples from daily living related to his or her degree of
9.How many children do you have?
5 or more.
10. Starting with the oldest, at what age did your children find out?
11. Starting with the oldest, what are their ages now?
12.Under what conditions did your children discover your gender
13.How would you describe the initial reaction of each of your
14.How would you describe the current attitude of each child?
15. Please take a few minutes and describe more about the degree of
acceptance of your gender variance exhibited by each of your children,
perhaps providing some examples from daily living related to his or her
degree of acceptance.
16 . If you told your children, what preparation was made to ease the
effect or prepare the child?
17.If you told your children, how did you go about it?
18. What should you have done differently?
19. Have the different levels of acceptance of your gender variance
caused strains in the relationships between any family members?
Yes Please describe!
20.Have any family members seen you dressed?
Your spouse/significant other? NoYes
Your oldest child? NoYes
Your second child? No
Your third child? No
Your fourth child? No
Your fifth child? No
21. Who else is aware of your gender variance?
close friends know
know, as I am public "out"
22.If you are maintaining your gender orientation as a secret, are you
aware of any breaches of your security or confidentiality as a consequence
of telling your children?
know/uncertain Please explain.
23.Surveys often focus on the negative and/or stressful aspects of
someone's gender orientation. For many however, a variety of positive
features exist as well. Please share your feelings about any of the
positive aspects of your gender orientation concerning your children.
24.Have there been any problems as a result of someone your children
25. Have there been any problems at school? (Children tell teachers
26. Do your children view your "other self" as a separate person?
Unknown/I Don't Know
27. In terms of gender variance, how would you classify yourself?
Other Please explain
28. Do you observe any differences in your behavior when you are
dressed according to your preferred/other gender orientation?
Speech patterns Yes
Listening patterns YesNo
Behavior Patterns YesNo
Body Language YesNo
Areas of Interest Yes
Overall Agreement Yes
29.Are you a member of a support group?
Yes Which one(s)?
30.Are you seeing a therapist, counselor, or mental-health professional
for your gender variance?
If yes, have you taken your family to a therapist, counselor, or
Please briefly describe.
31.Does your gender variance have an impact on social relationships
generally it has no impact
it never has any impact.
32. Are there any other Transgendered people in your family?
Unknown/I Don't Know
33. Do your children differentiate between gender orientation and
Unknown/I Don't Know
34.Have they met other transgendered people?
Unknown/I Don't Know
35.Do your children see your gender variance as an overall intrusion in
their lives? (By intrusion, we have in mind something that comes at the
expense of something else, or some other activity.)
a serious intrusion
However as an annoyance, not a serious intrusion
it is not an intrusion
than an intrusion, it is a positive feature
36. How important are the feelings of your children to you?
feelings are very important
feelings are somewhat important
feelings are not important
37.If you wanted to dress full time (according to your preferred gender
identity), to what extent could your family accommodate this?
38Would you state that the frequency of your desire to express your
gender variance is generally
About the same
39.preferred gender orientation. To what extent is this true with you?
am extremely irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
am somewhat more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
am rarely more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
do not become more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
do not become more irritable if unable to dress, but I do when I have no
opportunity to express my cross-gendered side.
40Have you found educational and support material helpful?
helpful at all
I have not
had access to educational or support information.
41If you have found educational and support material helpful, what are
the type(s) of material/information? Any specific titles or authors?
42Most research, as well as practical life experience, suggests that it
is difficult, perhaps even impossible, to change one's deepest
gender/sexual orientations. If, however, science and medicine were to make
such changes both possible and safe, would your family want you to change
your preferred gender orientation?
For tracking purposes only I will ask for your E-mail address and
geographic area. this is strictly optional! We may however contact you to
ask for additional details. This will be kept confidential.
This is a general question, example, I live near Toledo Ohio USA
This is for general comments, other questions I should add or change
and if you would like me to contact you.
I did not want to include this but I am told it will be asked.