Telling SO
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THIS IS AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE TELLING OF SIGNIFICANT OTHERS OF THEIR GENDER VARIANT SPOUSE

INSTRUCTIONS:


Unless otherwise noted, please mark the single response that most accurately reflects your opinions and behaviors of the following issues.

Except for question one, these questions assume that the person filling out the form is gender-variant. If this is not the case, please adjust the questions accordingly. (e.g., instead of, "when did your spouse find out about your gender-variance," "and when did you find out about your spouse's gender-variance?").  The goal is to find out how you told your Wife/SO what did and did not work!

The results will be posted on the results page as we have them, .

This Survey will be used for research purposes only and any responses are completely anonymous. Optional E-Mail addresses will only be used for follow up questions and will not be identified with the results given with the survey. By taking this survey you consent to these conditions.


1. Who in your family is gender-variant?

          I am gender-variant.

          My spouse, significant-other, or ex- is gender-variant.

           My spouse and I are both gender-variant

2. In terms of gender variance, how would you classify yourself?
    Crossdresser
    Transgendered.
    Non-op Transsexual.
    Pre-op Transsexual
    Post op Transsexual.
    Other Please explain
 

 3.  Will your spouse be filling out a separate copy of this form as well? (We encourage it, although we don't require it.)

          Yes, my spouse will fill out the form.

          No, my spouse will not fill out the form.

          No, my spouse will not fill out the form

4. Education level Completed.

                     T*                                                                    SO

           Grammar School                                      Grammar School           

        Graduated High school                               Graduated High school

         Some collage                                             Some collage

         Collage Bachelors Degree                          Collage Bachelors Degree

        College Masters  Degree                             College Masters Degree

        College Doctorate Degree                           College Doctorate Degree

 

 5. At what point in your relationship did your spouse or significant other (SO) find out about your gender variance?

          Before we were married.

          After we were married but before we had children. 

          While the children were growing up.

          After the children were grown

Other. Please explain.

6. What is the current status of your present relationship?

         Cohabitating not married How many years total?  

         We are/were married. How many years total?  

         We are separated.

         We are divorced.  If separated or divorced how long were you married before separation or divorce

7. If you are divorced or separated, how big a role did your gender variance play in the dissolution of your relationship?

        It wasn't a factor.

        It was one of many factors.

        It was a major factor.

        It was the biggest factor

        It was the only factor.

8.What was your spouse or SO's initial reaction to your gender variance?

       Very supportive

       Supportive

       Supportive sometimes

       Tolerant

       Tolerant sometimes

       Negative

       Other Please describe.

 

9.How would you describe your spouse or SO's current attitude?

       Very supportive

       Supportive

       Supportive sometimes

       Tolerant

       Tolerant sometimes

       Negative

       Other Please describe.

10.How many children do you have?                                                1   2   3   4   5 or more.

                                                                                                    

 11.Under what conditions did your SO discover your gender variance?    

       I told him or her

       Some one else told him or her

       He or She saw

       He or She found clothing or other items

       He or she found files in the computer

       Other    

 

 

12. Please take a few minutes and describe more about the degree of acceptance of your gender variance exhibited by your SO, perhaps providing some examples from daily living related to his or her degree of acceptance.

13 . If you told your SO, what preparation was made to ease the effect or prepare him or her? Check all that apply!

       None (just blurted it out)

       Consulted with a Therapist or Councilor

       Talked with T* friends

       Talked with non T* friends

       Gathered information from books.

       Gathered information on the internet.

         

14. If you told your spouse in a planned manner, how did you go about it?

       The Tootsie approach (using Movies etc. to introduce the subject).

       The Halloween Approach (dressing for Halloween is usually culturally acceptable) and Oh I would like to do this other times!

       The sit right down and explain Oh by the way dear I am a ___!

15. If your SO saw or discovered (un planed) and you were into damage control had you prepared?

    Yes

    No

 16. How

      Not (just blurted it out)

      Consulted with a Therapist or Councilor

      Talked with T* friends

      Talked with non T* friends

      Gathered information from books.

      Gathered information on the internet.

17. What should you have done differently?

18. Who else is aware of your gender variance?   Check all that apply.
           Some family members                                  
           Some close friends know                             
          A counselor or therapist                                 
         Some Internet acquaintances                         
          Everybody we know, as I am public "out"     
          No one                                                         

19.Surveys often focus on the negative and/or stressful aspects of someone's gender orientation. For many however, a variety of positive features exist as well. Please share your feelings about any of the positive aspects of your gender orientation concerning your SO.

 20. Does your SO view your "other self" as a separate person? Often we are seen as "The Other Woman"!
      Yes
      No
      Unknown/I Don't Know

21. does your SO prefer

      a more androgynous look

      an un ambiguous (either male or female) look

22.Are you a member of a support group?
    Yes Which one(s)?
    No

 23. Is your SO a Member of a support group?

    Yes Which one(s)?
    No

24.Are you or have you seen a therapist, counselor, or mental-health professional for your gender variance?
    Have seen in the past
    Am seeing currently
    Have never seen.

       
 25. has your SO seen a therapist, counselor, or mental-health professional?
    Have seen in the past
    Am seeing currently
    Have never seen.

26.Does your gender variance have an impact on social relationships with others?
    Yes, Negatively
    Yes, Positively
    No, generally it has no impact
    No, it never has any impact.

 

27.Dos  your SO see your gender variance as an overall intrusion in their life? (By intrusion, we have in mind something that comes at the
expense of something else, or some other activity.)
    Yes, a serious intrusion
    Yes, as an intrusion
    Yes. However as an annoyance, not a serious intrusion
    No it is not an intrusion
    Rather than an intrusion, it is a positive feature

 

28. If you wanted to dress full time (according to your preferred gender identity), to what extent could your family accommodate this?

      Would be very comfortable with this

      Would accommodate this but not happily

      Would tolerate this, but very unhappily

      Could not tolerate this

29 Would you state that the frequency of your desire to express your gender variance is generally
     Increasing
     Decreasing
     About the same

Please explain  

30  .preferred gender orientation. To what extent is this true with you? Yes I know this applies primarily to those that are CD,
    I am extremely irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
    I am somewhat more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
    I am rarely more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
    I do not become more irritable when unable to dress on a regular basis.
    I do not become more irritable if unable to dress, but I do when I have no opportunity to express my cross-gendered side.

Please explain  

31 Have you found educational and support material helpful?
Yes, very helpful
Yes, somewhat helpful
Only slightly helpful
Not very helpful
Not helpful at all
I have not been able to find educational or support information.
 

32 If you have found educational and support material helpful, what are the type(s) of material/information? Any specific titles or authors?

 33 Most research, as well as practical life experience, suggests that it is difficult, perhaps even impossible, to change one's deepest gender/sexual orientations. If, however, science and medicine were to make such changes both possible and safe, would your family want you to change your preferred gender orientation? The magic pill question.

   Absolutely Yes

   Probably Yes

   Unsure

   Probably No

   Definitely No

34 For tracking purposes only I will ask for your E-mail address and geographic area. this is strictly optional!  We may however contact you to ask for additional details. This will be kept confidential.

35 This is a general question, example, I live near Toledo Ohio USA

36 This is for general comments, other questions I should add or change and if you would like me to contact you.

 37Cultural Identity.

    Asian
    Pacific Islander
    White/Caucasian.
    Native American (North or South America)
    Black
    Hispanic

38 SO's church activity.  This was one of the suggested questions.

   Does not regularly attend church.

   Attends regularly once or twice a month.

   Attends once a week.

   Attends or is active more than once a week.

         Thank you for participating I intend to make the information available and as public as I can.

           Sandra


 

 

Last modified: 12/24/13