This was a question and reply posted on the TG Christian list. I think it excellent in many respects.
The devil Made Me Do It
My mom still seems to think this is all Satan’s
doing. The cding and all. She feels it was Ole
Scratch who first put the idea into my head some 30 years ago as a child
that I could dress in women’s clothes. All about rebellion or something.
Problem is at times I believe her. Whenever she gets on these tangents something
always happens to me that is weird enough to say God is trying to send me
some kind of message. Needless to say, self acceptance is very elusive and hard to attain here. I love my mom dearly
and I know she just has my best interest at heart, but it seems I am just coming
to terms with what
Satan’s doing. That is a mouth
full! I have had similar thoughts
myself. Many a long night was spent lamenting and pleading for deliverance from
what I thought was my “demon” of CDing.
Even after I had accepted who I was, and embraced God’s gift of Grace
in a new and total way, I still thought it was unfair that I had to deal with
have accepted myself now. I have a
supportive wife and children, but still, every now and then I stop and think,
“What in the heck am I doing?”
painful truth is that we live in a damaged sinful world.
Everyone was born with the birth defect of a sinful nature.
with me here) On one hand your mother is right, in that so much of what we do is
sin. Most of our actions start off
innocently enough. I know when I
dress as female, I don’t do it to offend God.
It is not malicious on my part. It
dose not harm anyone. Yet there is
a stigma attached to it that is a “reflection of the fall”.
(Actually that is one of the things about it that I now value; it kept me
humble when I could of become very self-righteous.)
You see, I was raised in the Christian Church and followed all the rules
(I knew about) to the letter. I always loved and feared the Lord and when a
choice came to follow Christ or the World, I would typically choose Christ. I
had a reputation as being a very strong man of God.
I always had this thorn in the flesh, CDing.
I truly believed that God would cure me of this affliction. I thought God would do so through my marriage.
I thought, as time went on, the feelings would fade with age.
I thought to encourage this process is what God wanted.
problem was, “I thought.” God
did not tell me to do this, rather I, my mom and society did.
Had I ever asked God what His plan was?
I had assumed. I had assumed
it was sin, “just because”, and so sought to claim God’s promise for
deliverance. God however told me
after years of battling my female side, to stop fighting. God told me that my “thorn in the flesh” would not be
removed and that He had a plan for me just as I was.
I was not going to be changed. (This happened in many ways with more than
is it sin? Perhaps, perhaps not.
Money can either be a blessing or a curse.
CDing is similar. Whatever
you do, do so in faith. For some CDing is most certainly an extension of their
sexual sinful indulgences. At times
it is so for me as well. But there
is also an identity issue that is VERY needful.
If I did not get out every now and then, I would not be a very happy
person to live with. It is my
therapy. So which is worse?
point is that regardless, I know that I am a sinner and still need to rest on
the Mercy of my Father in heaven. When
I was young I thought that to become spiritual meant to become more “sin
free”. As I have gotten older I
realize that to become more spiritual is to gain knowledge of the truth of my
sinful condition, and to rely on God’s grace offered through the cross for my
righteousness. As the bible says,
“Even our righteousness is like filthy rags.”
do I know this? Because the Bible teaches us that God is not the one who
accuses, that is Satan’s job. God
offers forgiveness for those who are willing to admit that they need him. If we
judge each other we align ourselves with evil. And so we are not doing the work
of God, but the work of Satan. (Read Romans) When we try and justify our sins we
also make the mistake of justifying our sinful nature.
It is better to admit that in all areas of our life, we are sinful (short
of the mark) and so need God in everything that we do.
Jesus was presented with similar accusations, in regard to himself or others, He
did not defend his or others actions, rather he included an even broader
definition of Sin so that all those listening would be forced into the
uncomfortable position of having to deal with their own shortcomings.
He always raised the spiritual bar so that no one could claim victory in
this is long winded. All this to
say, admit you need Christ daily. If
someone accuses you of being a sinner, accept it, and say “Yes, but God
forgives me. If he no longer holds
it against me, who are you to judge me?”
me, God has allowed and is using my “T” nature.
I have faith that God will, as in every area of my life, redeem my
actions for the advancement of His kingdom.
God has not cured me of my “sinful nature” but He does redeem it. After all, what else do I have to give Him, but who I am?
and God bless, - Kathy Randall